Anywhere But Home
by m3rjam
Summary: Kurt and Sebastian decide to go on a trip out of Lima. No destination, no limits. Just the two of them, and the whole life in front of them. Rating may go up in the future chapters!
1. Chapter 1

Kurt hasn't even rationally thought about this idea. All he knows is that the next morning, he already packed his stuff and got ready for a ride. They don't know where they're going . All they know is that they have to get out of Lima. They haven't even talked about it much, Sebastian brought idea up last night. Kurt instantly started to pack his bags and Sebastian went to his room. Kurt doesn't even know why he accepted to go with Sebastian, who's a pain in the ass and they'll probably fight most of the drive.

Kurt dresses himself and heads downstairs with a few bags in his arms. Sebastian is already waiting for him outside in the early morning light, smiling to himself. Kurt greets him and puts his bags and package in the car, checking the things off their small list with Sebastian.

„Money for fuel?", asks Sebastian.

„Got it."

„Blankets?"

„Here."

They scan over a few more things, and before Kurt even realizes it – they're in the car and moving.

Sebastian turns on the radio and Kurt groans in protest when some Top 40 song is heard from the radio. They fight over the radio stations for awhile but then they find the station with the music they both tolerate and both shut up.

„Where are we gonna go?" , Kurt asks after a few first minutes of the ride.

Sebastian looks at him. „Where do _you _wanna go?"

Kurt thinks for a minute. He knows he wants to get away from his failed hopes and dreams. But other than that, he has no idea where he could go. So he simply says: „West"

Sebastian's eyebrows shoot in suprise, but he doesn't ask for explanations just yet.

„You?", Kurt asks, after a few silent moments.

„Me what?", Sebastian furrows his eyebrows.

Kurt rolls his eyes. „ Where do you wanna go?"

Sebastian thinks for awhile, lips pressed together tight in thinking. „North."

Kurt nods, not quite understanding, but instead of asking, says: „So, north-west."

Sebastian just looks at him dumbly.

„That's where we're going dummy."

Sebastian swallows a lump in his throat and nods, saying:" Yes, good thinking."

They talk a lot. About everything. Kurt about his family, his mother's death and father's now stable health condition. About Carole and Finn. About best moments in the New Directions and Santana's mean insults (which caused Sebastian to smile and Kurt say: „She's just like you.")

Sebastian talks about his mom and dad, who are ridiculously in love. About his childhood in the rich family, his older brother and sister. And his twin brother's suicide three years ago. Kurt is shocked by that fact but doesn't bury deeper into the story, because he knows how much those memories can hurt. Sebastian also talks about his life in Paris, how Kurt would love it and promises to take him there one day. Then they talk about their mutual memories. About meeting each other and regionals . About the first time they had to spend the night together and the fist time they saw each other cry, none of them asking for any explanations, just helping each other and giving what the other needed at the moment.

They drive that way for about three hours, and then they stop at the gas station to go to the bathroom and get coffee. They buy some sandwiches for later and pack them in their to-go fridge, and stand by the car for awhile.

„Where are we gonna stay tonight?", Kurt asks while sipping his coffee.

Sebastian smiles. „We'll find some motel. Get a two-bed room and get out the morning after."

They talk for few more minutes, untill their coffee cups are empty and then they get back in car. They decide to switch, so Sebastian could get some rest and Kurt takes the driver's place. Sebastian reads a book, which Kurt founds out is called 'The Road', and seems to be reallyy into it. They talk about books for some time. They get into a conversation about which Hunger Games book is the best, and they so easily get lost in the conversation. Sebastian is easy to talks with, as crazy as that sounded. He's still sarcastic, obnoxious, and makes more jokes about his sex life that it's appropriate. But he's still very intelligent, he has strong and mature opinions about some things and never says something without at least some kind of argument.

So they just keep going for the day. They barely even got out of Ohio when they both get tired and decide to stop and eat by the turning.


	2. Chapter 2

Sebastian takes a lot of pictures. Of everything, really. Whenever Kurt's the one who's driving, Sebastian takes his camera in his hands and snaps pictures of everything around him. And Kurt may, or may not see Sebastian snapping photos of him from time to time. He looks so happy when he takes pictures, his eyes sparkle with something Kurt can't quite name, and his whole face looks so much younger that looking at him makes Kurt feel some twisting in the bottom of his stomach. Sebastian's lips twist in a silly grin, and Kurt can't seem to stop stealing quick glances at him when he does so. He isn't really sure how he feels about Sebastian taking pictures of him, but it makes him feel warm in his chest.

Kurt also can't seem to stop teasing him about his photography fetish.

„You're such a hipster it's actually funny", Kurt tells him one afternoon, about two days after they got out of the house and on the road.

„Excuse me for trying to capture the beauty of everything I see.", Sebastian defends himself, like he does when he's in the young, artistic mood. Kurt chuckles, then stops. He had to bite his tongue from saying '_Am I then beautiful?_' because that would just make things awkward. Whatever this meant, it didn't matter now, 'cause Sebastian was ranting on about photography and what can it do to people's minds. In moments like these, moments of Sebastian being a pure nerd and so cute and just so _young_, that makes Kurt want to pull him into a hug, take his hand and maybe even kiss his forehead. The way that Sebastian's eyes glow and he indicates with his hands so much that sometimes Kurt has to shift in his seat so Sebastian wouldn't accidentally hit him while talking.

„I'm just saying that you're incredibly cliche, even though it's kinda cute.", Kurt giggles and stops Sebastian's ranting.

Sebastian glares at him. „You're such an asshole, Casper."

Kurt smirks. „Only for you."

They continue driving in comfortable silence, they turn radio quiet and Sebastian takes John Green's _Paper Towns_ and continues reading it.

In one moment, Sebastian takes Kurt's iPod and starts going through his music, choosing the right artist or album to listen to.

„I didn't know you listen to music like this.", he says looking at Kurt.

Kurt smiles. „Music like what?"

Sebastian shifts in his seat, trying to find the right words. „This... sort of- well, unknown music. Not many people our age listen to this."

„I know." , Kurt says, keeping a smile on his face.

„I kinda always figured you for such a Top 40 kind of guy.", Sebastian says, waving with his right hand as if the thought didn't matter.

And honestly, Kurt knows what he's talking about. Not many people their age listen to bands such as One Night Only or Manu Chao, or _hell_ he didn't meet a single person who likes The Young Veins or even knows who they are. Of course , he didn't tell people he liked music like that, he didn't want to share that music with anyone else. It was the kind of music for him he would listen to when he got from school, tired from all the classes, slushies and sitting in the back of the classroom listening to countless number of Rachel's solo numbers. After getting called names and whenever he felt like shit, he would simply turn on the unusual music and relax his body and mind.

They stop by the motel in Iowa, while getting out of car and heading towards the motel, Kurt trips on a can that just laid there on a path. „Shit", he murmurs, and when he looks up he can see Sebastian grinning at him.

Sebastian opens his mouth to speak, just as Kurt hisses: „Don't."

Sebastian lifts his hands in surrender and turns around, heading to the motel, not giving Kurt one spare look. Kurt gets up, fixes his pants and walks towards Sebastian.

By the reception is a young woman, no older than thirty, with a polite smile on her face and a big dark circles around her eyes. „Hello, how can I help you?", she asks, when Kurt and Sebastian approach closer to her, still keeping a smile on her face.

Kurt opens his mouth to speak, but gets interrupted by Sebastian who cuts him off.

„Good evening", he says putting a blinding smile on his face, „We're looking for a two-bed room."

Woman's expression turns slightly different than before, and she says: „I'm really sorry, we only have three two-bed rooms and two of them are taken while the third is renovating." She puts her lips pressed in a tight line and an apologetic grimace.

Both Kurt and Sebastian would probably argue, or find another motel anywhere near, but they're both so fucking tired that they can't even bring themselves to care. There's something really tiring in driving for a long time – your body gets stiff, you can't move your neck without feeling something breaking inside, and when you get outside of the car, every stretch of your leg feels like a blessing.

They take the keys which woman hands them with a smile and they head up the stairs to the room 005.

**A/N: **I'm still not quite sure in which direction is this going but I know I have a lot of things in my head that I have to bring out on paper. Please review! :)


	3. Chapter 3

As they enter the room and Sebastian shuts the door behind them and turns on the lights, they look around to take in their surroundings. A room itself is small , with a bed set in the corner of it. There is barely any fresh air in the room and Kurt immediately heads towards the window to open it, taking in a deep breath as fresh air enters into a room. Sebastian takes in their luggage and places it by the door.

A few moments later, there is an awkward silence filling an entire room and they take in the tension, neither one knowing what to say. Sebastian shifts from one foot to another and Kurt breaks the silence by clearing his throat.

„ Uhm... I'm just gonna – erm – go to the bathroom." Sebastian simply shrugs and nods, and Kurt raises his eyebrows. „So you can move out of my way to get my bag, jackass."

Sebastian rolls eyes at Kurt's words and moves out of Kurt's way, walking towards the bed.

Kurt closes the bathroom door behind him, and – suprised at the hygene of it – takes his toothbrush and starts getting ready for bed. Even though he would like a shower to relax and wash himself off, he _really_ doesn't want to test if there's enough water in here, so he decides not to. He's pretty sure Sebastian is as tired as him, if not even more, and taking too much time in the bathroom would just be cruel. After his mouth and face are perfectly clean, he comes out of the bathroom and gets greeted by the sight of Sebastian already being asleep in bed, spred out as much as he could be. He looks so vulnerable like this, and Kurt can't help but stare. His chest is heaving up, and Kurt has to stop himself from putting a hand on to soothe it. He feels like he's invading his privacy this way, and like he definately should _not_ be doing this. He stops staring and gets closer to the bed, carefully sitting on the edge.

„Hey, Sebastian", he lightly nudges him, waking him up, „Scoot over."

Sebastian opens his eyes and groans in annoyance as a response, scooting over to the other side of the bed.

As Kurt lays down in bed, not being able to stop listening to the other boy's breathing, he things about this whole situtation.

His father knows about him leaving home with a 'friend', but doesn't know where. (Not that Kurt himself knows)

He thinks about his home – about his dad's laugh as he proudly talked about his family, about Carole – smiling as they cooked together every Saturday. He thinks about Finn laughing while watching the morning cartoons on a TV under a blanket. He thinks about them all together, around a dinner table, laughing, chatting, asking for eachother to pass the sauce and salt, and simply loving.

He smiles to himself, and then thinks about his current life. He got on a road with a boy he didn't know well enough, hell, he barely even tolerated him before they hit the road. And now they're in this crazy, complicated, stupid thing together. Both not knowing what they're looking for. He thinks about this boy – the boy he just started to know better, the boy who listens to Muse and Manu Chao at the same time. The boy who reads every book he can and can talk about John Green for hours, and a boy who takes pictures of every thing he sees.

He searches for guilt and regret to come to him, but he feels nothing but a well controled excitement.

Before he can stop himself, his hand reaches out for Sebastian's, staying there. Sebastian either doesn't care or is already asleep, and Kurt falls asleep peacefully.


	4. Chapter 4

At about 5:30 in the morning, Kurt is waken up by the sound of woman voice yelling, waking him up from his dreams.

„Rise and shine sweetie!", voice is yelling and Kurt finally brings himself to open his eyes.

The woman from the lobby the previous night is standing above him, a bright smile on her face.

_Well someone apparently had some sleep._

Kurt scowls at the feeling of tiredness in his whole body and closes his eyes again, but that makes the woman talk (yell) even louder.

„Your – erm – _friend_ told me to wake you up at the half past five, which is about now", she smiles at him brightly and Kurt feels like throwing some heavy object at her. He reaches out for Sebastian in bed to lecture him about how big of a dick he is, but except he finds an empty space next to him, still warm where Sebastian slept.

He slowly sits up, still not being able to move too fast.

He blinks his eyes open a few times, saying: „Where is he?"

The woman smiles at him with her lips pressed in a tight line and then speaks: „Oh, he went for a walk outside this morning. Told me to wake you up and tell you that you two should meet at the parking lot at six."

Kurt immediately gets up from bed, pushing the covers off of himself, which makes the woman laugh silently to herself.

„Erm", he says while going around the room, frantically trying to find a shirt he left there last night, „thank you."

_I know I put it somewhere near the bed, _he thinks, but _god_ he can't remember where.

Woman smiles at him tightly and, with a quiet '_no problem honey'_, exits the room.

Outside at exactly six a.m. Sebastian is standing, waiting for Kurt. He's leaned on the hood of the car, drinking water from the bottle and rocking his foor back and forth, occasionally humming some lyrics of some song under his breath.

About ten minutes later, comes Kurt, obviously ready to yell at Sebastian for half an hour, and then ignore him for the rest of the day.

„_God Sebastian_" , he starts, carrying his backpack with him, „Why the hell do we have to go _this _early? It's just stupid. Look! I didn't even dress acceptable, and don't even let me start on the hair!"

He's only dressed in blue worn out jeans and black tee – something he _never _wore outside of his own bedroom. But his bedroom is miles away from him now and he has to get used to people seeing him dressed like this.

Okay, maybe he feels vulnerable like this. Without all of these layers on his body, without his hair being perfectly coiffed, but he still likes to blame all of this on Sebastian.

The day is suprisingly cold for this time of the year. Gray clouds float above them, making the whole day seem tiring and sullen.

Kurt is still bitching at Sebastian, but Sebastian isn't paying any intention to him as he takes Kurt's bag, placing it at the back of his car. That, _of course_, doesn't make Kurt shut up, so he simply sits in the driver's seat and starts the engine, preparing himself for the long day.

**A/N: So, that's about it for this chapter. I hope you like it, and please review. Even if you think it sucked. **

**So, next week I'm off to vacation in Croatia, and before that I'll probably post another chapter, which is going to be _a lot_ different. It's gonna be kind of Sebastian's backstory, written from his point of view. There's no mention of Kurt or Lima or Paris or anything, it's just gonna be his slightliest possible backstory. There will be no dialogue, and it's kind of different writing style, so I hope you'll like it too.**


	5. Chapter 5First Backstory

**A/N: So, I finally updated this, though I wrote it like a week ago.**

**Reminder that this is a backstory, and is written from Sebastian's point of view.**

_First backstory_

Back when I was about fourteen I've been first told that I suffer from depression. It had something to do with the fact that I barely ever left my room, listened to the same songs on repeat, and didn't socialize with anyone outside of school.

My mom refused to belive that her little son was visiting very dark places in his mind, so she delayed that problem for about a year. She justified my behavior as just a part of my nature and personality, still not quite convincing herself.

Now, now – don't make any judgments yet. She's a good mother. At least, as good as anyone from my family can be. But she always longed for the best, and she never wanted to accept the fact of not succeeding something. In this case – making her child happy.

After about fifteen different family members – including my father- random people and my teacher telling her there's something wrong with me, she finally accepted the fact that she had a depressed son.

She first tried talking to me. As expected, that didn't work one bit. She talked how I can always find a friend in my family, and how if I try hard enough, happiness will come itself.

After that didn't work, she decided to take me to psychiatrist, because I – obviously – needed professional help.

My _'doctor' _ was named Hailey, and – after some time and convincing – she made me open up a bit after bit to her.

We talked about books, music, school, politics and almost everything else.

I never completely opened up to her, I guess I don't trust anyone enough to do that, but I at least didn't completely close myself off.

I avoided to talk about my emotions. I wasn't afraid to express my opinions, but I felt enitrely too vulnerable by talking about my feelings.

After about a year of weekly visits to Hailey Trinstan, she moved out of town with her husband Charlie.

Instead of getting right back to the start, my parents decided that I should go to these weekly meetings with a group of kids in the same position as me.

I sort of just went through it. I showed up there every Wednesday, listened to people rant on about their feelings and problems, mumbled some lie about myself, and went home.

It became my life at the time, and even though I felt like I needed a change, I was too worn out to do anything about it.

After several weeks of thinking what the fuck is wrong with me that made me so screwed up, I finally gave up trying to get any better. I guess I never found a reason of my depression being so deep.

My older brother tried talking to me a few times, but he is six years older than me and never had enough time or will to spend too much time trying to help me.

My two years younger sister didn't know what to do. She tried talking to me, but as always – that didn't help.

But in the end – I guess you could say that _she's _the one that made it all seem better.

**A/N: I hope you liked this chapter, and please review. I spent a lot of time thinking about all of this, and decided that next chapter should be Kurt's backstory. It describes his and Blaine's life from the beggining of the summer and their split up, so I hope you'll like it too. I may update in two or three days because I have already written most of the chapter.**

**xxx**


	6. Second Backstory

**A/N: Reminder that this chapter is from Kurt's POV! **

**Enjoy! **

Chapter Six

Second backstory

I guess at some point in life, people grow apart.

It usually doesn't happen all at once – at least in my case.

It happens slowly, step by step. You start noticing little things that seem so out of place than usual.

For example: there's no more little excitement whenever that person and you should meet. Conversations get shorter, and any sort of intimacy just doesn't feel _right _enough 's no more waking up at the middle of the night on the other side of the bed, to see yourself getting closer to that person you are supposed to love.

In retrospect, I still wouldn't be able to tell what was wrong with me and Blaine. I knew he wasn't cheating on me, _god no._ And I would never do the same thing to him.

I knew he felt the same. The way his gaze was soft and lost, his eyes – deep inside them – full of sadness. Something around his mout that made his smile look tired and worn out. He held himself like he was so weak, like all you needed was one punch to break him down immediately.

About two months of that disorientation, I finally found enough streinght in myself to talk to Blaine.

It was hard – to talk about that- but it was probably the best decision I've made in months.

We talked together for hours- not realizing what happened to us except 'growing apart', but feeling much better to know how the other felt. It made me finally accept my feelings, to stop ignoring them for weeks and them breaking down in the bathroom alone before sleep.

I told Blaine how I felt because of all my feelings. How I felt like such a fuck-up after not succeeding at anything in life, and how I'm getting closer and closer to my breaking point.

We sat like that- in Lima Bean – for hours. Just talking. Occasionally one of us would quietly cry, wondering where the hell has life went so wrong to us.

That was the only time I actually voiced aloud my thoughts and fears. And the only thing that I felt good about was because I told that to _Blaine. _

In some way, he and I will always be connected. After all, you don't forget the person who was your first love. First person you ever let own your heart.

We split that day, promising each other that after some time passes, we'll talk.

When I came home, I didn't cry because of the break-up. I simply cried because of all the things that have happened in the last few months – from ending my friendship with Rachel, across occasional trading insults/hanging out with Sebastian Smythe of all the people, my dad saying that he's still proud of me though I see slight disappointment in his eyes. Across Finn who's joining _the army _for god's sake. And, despite our awful start, I loved him very dearly and couldn't stand losing him too.

And in the end – I thought about all those days being sad. Sad because of nothing – as people said it. But maybe it was the fact that I completely ignored my needs as a human being, that I just went _surviving _through life, that I wasn't living it as I always wanted to.

I was well aware of the fact that people looked at me like I'm some kind of charity case. Like I need some help to make me feel alive again. But that was long gone. And all I was left with were my occasional conversations with Sebastian at the Lima Bean.

_God, how did my life become this?_, I asked myself for the hundredth time that day as I walked out of the Lima Bean, agreeing to Sebastian's idea (after some negotiation) that he brought up from nowhere.

**A/N: I hope you liked this chapter, I put quite a lot of effort into the writing style. Next chapter should be sometime in the next two weeks perhaps, since I'm not really sure if I will be able to make it. This Saturday I'm off to vacation in Croatia and I'll probably publish one chapter in those three weeks that I'm there. Thanks for reading and please review!**

**xxx**


	7. Chapter 7

Anywhere But Home

Chapter 7

Part One

On the fifth day of the trip, at exactly 3:24 in the afternoon, they can be found at a restaurant in Wyoming, drinking coffee and enjoying comforting silence.

Kurt is sipping his coffee while waiting for his meal to come, and Sebastian is reding the newspapers he bought on a kiosk this morning.

„Kurt!", Kurt hears a female, farmiliar voice from behind.

„Kuuurt."

The voice is high and excited and scarily farmiliar. Kurt doesn't have to think twice to realize who the person behind him is.

He turns aroud slowly, praying to god that the voice is just in his head, or that this is some bizarre dream.

Of course, he somehow expected to have an encounter with Rachel Berry in future, but nothing could have made him think that it would be at thirty to four at a restaurant in Vaeoming.

Sure, he missed Rachel a lot. He missed her loud laugh, perfect singing voice and amazing way of turning all of the attention to herself anywhere she was. One of the worst things of the whole two first months of the summer was the whole ending of his friendship with Rachel.

As he turns around, he sees Rachel in a white sundress that perfectly brings aout her tan and is so different than any of the clothes Rachel used to wear but still so _Rachel._

Her hair is curled slightly, and shows some of the blonde highlights she obviously made recently.

In a three words – she looks gorgeous.

„Hello Rachel.", he says slowly, pausing between the words carefully.

He turns to Sebastian, giving him a panicked look, not knowing what to do and just seeking for help from him in some way.

Sebastian just shrugs helplessly, lips pressed in a tight line and looking apologetic.

He looks at Rachel again, and – scarily – she's still there.

„Hi Kurt", she smiles at him again, obviously enchanted to see him, „long time no see."

He presses his lips together and brings himself to smile.

„Yeah, I know.", he nods, „You look great."

Rachel honest to god _blushes _and smiles fiendly at him. „I could say the same to you, you know."

Kurt grins at her, because really, he has missed that girl.

But still, his curiosity wins over the first hand excitement, so he says: „What are you doing here?", trying not to sound rude.

She gives him a shaky smile, obviously afraid of his reaction.

She looks at her feet and then quickly up at Kurt, still avoiding his gaze.

„I'm here with a friend.", she says plainly, like that makes anything clearer to him now.

Kurt simply raises his eyebrows in question, knowing that Rachel will understand the movement.

She nods in understanding and clears her throat, a gesture that would seem insecure but instead Kurt knows that Rachel is preparing for a speech.

„Me and my... _friend_ decided to go on a trip in west America by car, which is, of course, a long ride. We were preparing that trip for a while, and one week, I went in town to buy some new clothes", she gestures towards her dress to indicate her change of style, „I met your dad there, and we got talking. He obviously knew the state between us two, but was still really nice to me. I asked him about you, and he told me that you went on a trip. I asked him where did you go, and he told me somewhere in the States."

Kurt still didn't know where this was going, but anyway continued to listen, a confused look on his face.

Sebastian also listened, and, though he certanly wasn't in a good relationship with Rachel, he decided to listen to her story, because, knowing Kurt, they will probably be seeing her again on this trip, and he wanted to at least understand what was going on while she and her _friend_ were here.

„I wanted to know where were you off to, because belive it or not, I miss you more than anyone in my life, so I asked a person you talked to since going where you were."

Kurt closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to steady himself. He only talked to one person since he left, and _god _he's going to kill Quinn.

"She told us where you were at the time, and that you're moving slowly – stopping often and sleeping at motels almost every night. So, we decided to try finding you."

Kurt is mostly just confused, so he doesn't bother rolling his eyes or attacking her.

"But how did you know that we're right _here_?", Sebastian says from behind him.

She takes a deep breath. "We didn't."

Kurt arches an eyebrow disbelievingly.

She shrugs and lets out the breath she's been holding. "We really didn't."

Kurt huffs a frustrated breath, not believing her yet.

"Yeah, right."

Rachel gives him 'the look', pouting her lips slightly and making some weird thing with her eyes wide open.

"And how the hell were we supposed to know?", she scoffs, crossing her arms on her chest.

Kurt opens his mouth to argue, but nothing comes out, instead he takes a deep breath and closes them again.

"You couldn't.", he hears Sebastian's voice and wants to yell at him for not being on his side.

Rachel looks at Sebastian pointedly and nods frantically, saying: "Exactly."

Kurt rolls his eyes at that, asking himself where the hell this conversation is going and praying for god it won't end in disaster.

Apparently at that thought his face expression changed, because next thing he knows, Rachel's face softens and she sits on an empty chair beside him, taking his and in hers. She looks at his face and then down at their fingers, looking somehow sad.

"I miss you, you know.", she says, still not moving her gaze from their hands and looking and sounding like she's about to cry or something.

he then lifts her gaze and smiles at him sadly.

_Fuck_, Kurt thinks as he smiles at her too.

"I miss you too.", he says, and then realizes that his voice is full of choked tears.

"Oh _god_", Sebastian says across from them, killing the whole moment.

Kurt turns his head to him, clenching his jaw to keep himself from yelling at him.

Instead, he says: "You're such a jackass I don't think there's even a word for that."

Sebastian just grins at him, while Rachel rolls her eyes, obviously irritated.

"So, are you two like, together. Or something.", she asks and makes them turn in her direction to stare at her dumbly.

Sebastian recovers first and shakes his head frantically.

"Sorry", he laughs, "I'm not a masochist."

Kurt glares at him. "And everyone knows I have a good taste so they wouldn't find me with you in bed."

"Yeah, if you would be any good in the sack."

"Oh, you don't know how good I can be.", Kurt says narrowing his eyes in Sebastian's direction.

Sebastian raises his eyebrows. "I somehow doubt that."

"_Okay_.", suddenly Rachel cuts in, stopping them for having more arguments (and probably, after a few minutes – yelling at each other). "I get it."

Kurt takes a deep breath to calm himself and Sebastian just looks amused. Somehow Kurt loses patience so quickly in Sebastian's presence that he wants to bang his head against a wall. _If you can handle Finn and Rachel at the same time, you can handle him_, he usually says to himself in moments like these to stop himself from going on a killing spree.

Sebastian can be such a childish asshole, and apparently can go like this forever non-stop.

But Kurt isn't going to give him a luxury of seeing him lose his head.

Instead, Kurt takes exactly five deep breaths – his eyes closed – and then opens them, putting a blinding smile on his face and looking directly at Rachel.

"So, who's your friend?", he says, trying to move the whole conversation from the point of him and Sebastian.

Rachel presses her lips together in a line and takes a breath through her nose.

"Um", she starts, playing with her hair behind her left ear, "you kind of know her."

**A/N: Sorry for the late update guys! I hope you liked it!**

**xxx**


	8. Letters To My Future Self

Every day, I've been thinking about finding this thing. You know which thing I'm talking about. I'm still not sure about that. I don't know. I don't want to be alone. I think it will be a long journey. Actually, I know it will. And that's why I'm so afraid. And I still feel alone. But I'm trying to make friends. I mean, it's quite hard. I'm quite awkward, and people don't usually like to spend time with me. My mom tells me that it's because I should have more self-asteem, but sorry mom, it doesn't really grow on trees. I would try to have more, and I'm working on that too, but it's just too hard. It's like when I was nine. And my mom took me to see the doctor. I had to go there every week for a year. And I got kinda better. But I never had a big self-asteem. I don't know how to build it when I feel stupid anyway. I mean, I'm quite good at school and all of that, but kinds don't like nerds anyway. Especially nerds who are constantly moving grom state to state, from town to town. It's getting quite tiring, actually. And I would like to just settle with my mom and dad for once, cause I don't want to be this tired anymore. I don't know why I'm saying this to you. I should probably stop, it's making me feel weird and sad. And I don't want that. I just wanted to tell you how hard this all is for me, and how alone I feel. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you feel like I'm using you as if you're my notebook or something. But I do feel like I should tell this to someone, and I know you will understand. You always will. It's getting hard again. Sometimes I catch my mom looking at me funny, and brother being with me more often than usually. And my sister holding my hand all the time, and dad patting me on my back every time he sees me. And that's making me guilty. Because I feel like I'm disappointing them this way. Like I'm making them worried or sad. And I don't want them feel that way. I know what it's like to feel like that, so I really don't like when anyone feels like that.

Sorry but I'm gonna keep whining. I hope you don't mind, because I thing you - that is I - will want to read this in the future. Just to remember. Because somtimes, it's good thing to remember. Sometimes we forget, and we fall in this dark hole to fast and too deep, not even realising because we don't really remember the past, and we don't realise that it has already happened before. And I don't want that again. And you know it has happened before, I shouldn't be telling you, of all people, this. Because what the hell, I'm talking to myself. I hope I get better somehow. I will try. I will try to make friends, and to communicate and participate with other people, and I know I already said it, but it's hard. I just hope someone at least has talks to me, cause I'm afraid of being the first to talk.

Okay, I'm off to watch new episode of Doctor Who, because as much as I would like to write more, my sister's yelling at me from the living room, and I really don't want to upset her too.

Be okay,

Sebastian


End file.
